(French text follows English text - Texte en français suit le texte en anglais) 1972 Excuses for an infringement report Over the years, the Department has exchanged numerous letters with licensees regarding infringement to the Radio Regulations. The Wetaskiwin Monitoring station once issued a report pertaining to a strong second harmonic from a station located at Ououkinsh Inlet. It went from its Regional office to the user who replied as follows, not realizing that the report was relating to a second harmonic emission from the fundamental, 4,5 to 9 Megahertz as appeared on the report but rather thought that it was the content of the message that was at fault !
THE USER'S EXPLANATION
Dear Sirs:
This missive is in answer to Yours, First September, Seventy Two. Briefly, we wish no disgrace - And hope that this will save our face.
We stand accused , Your strong position, Concerning Spurious Emission, We can't deny, our plea advances Extenuating circumstances.
Since Northland ceased to ply it's trade, A number of attemps were made To transport the supplies we need - For hungry mouths we have to feed. At length, a plan was made by one Whose name is Mr. Henderson In which it was revealed that he Would transport to the Malksope quay, And other spots for miles around His home port of Kyuquot Sound. The stuff that keeps - as you well know A Logging Company on the go.
His first attempt fell rather flat ( I cannot be more terse than that) - He sent ( this vital job to do ) A Landing Craft from World War Two; Which foul, atrocious , obscene junk Out-stank the most revolting skunk. And spoiled the food quite out of hand - Exceot that - fortunately, canned.
Such was this situation , friend That drove our Super round the bend. But list - you have not heard the worst: This saga shall proceed , accursed With every single detail, How Devoid of food, and milk of cow, Of tea, of canned sardines and coffee - The men ate Commissary Toffee And this was very quickly gone Shame on you - Mr Henderson.
Not only that , we could not fill The grease guns on the new Madill - The OT.5 , and loaders trusty Seized up, and steadily went rusty; And all becuse this human goat Possessed no fornicating boat.
Twas in a mood of deep despair Our Superintendent took the air , "For," quoth he, "when all is said and done, The ball lies with old Henderson"...... So, straight away - on channel Three, He cried . "Motor Hotel Capri" - For there, the Patsco's chief relaxes, And charges it to Federal taxes.
It would be folly - even crude To tell you of that which ensued, For truth to tell, you listened in, And all of B.C. heard the din. We plead - the Super has no choice, When he, in anger, raised his voice He was exasperated, and The net result was, o'er the band In thunderous, booming tones and swells There was excess in decibels. He cursed sincerely, not in fun, The evil Mr Henderson So loud he roared in B.....s and F...s That I have since been very deaf.
O Chief of Telecommunication, This is our only explanation. Be kind to us in your decision Regarding spurious Emission... TO WHICH AN UNIDENTIFIED CENTRAL REGION OFFICER REPLIED
Dears Sirs:
This refers to your dissertation Regarding infringement of our Regulation It seems however you've misunderstood Although your poem is rather good
Of your plight we're very sorry We must admit it makes quite a story And we do admit that lack of food Is apt to make one's language crude.
But it wasn't for your Super's prose That 24 of Radio Regs, Part 2 was chose We didn't question his grammatical assault But rather your equipment which was at fault.
However, we hope that situation's not chronic For the problem's with your second harmonic Your set is obviously out of key And spurious emission's a waste of E R P
All we wish is to be assured The technical problem will soon be cured So have a technician check your set To ensure our regulations will be met.
We do not feel it is too late To save your radio licence Fate For if repairs are early made Our keen Inspectors will save the raid.
Yours truly, Signature withheld...
1972 Pour expliquer un rapport d’irrégularité
Au cours des ans, le Ministère a reçu toutes sortes d’explications de la part de clients détenteurs de licence qui faisaient des efforts en vue d’obtenir les “bonnes grâces” des autorités ...
Cher monsieur.
Nous sommes accusés. Votre position est forte concernant la radiation, nous n’en doutons pas. Notre défense avances des circonstances atténuantes.
Depuis que Northland a cessé son commerce, des efforts ont été faits pour que le transport de nos provisions continue - nous avons de nombreuses bouches à nourrir. Finalement , quelqu’un du nom de Henderson dressa un plan par lequel il acceptait de transporté jusqu’au quai de Malksope et autres lieux des miles autour de sont port d’attache du détroit de Kyuquot, tout le matériel qui fait que, comme vous le savez, une entreprise forestière continue à progresser.
Son premier essai tomba à plat - on ne peut dire mieux - Il envoya, pour faire ce travail si vital, un avion sur roue datant de la deuxième guerre, qui , malpropre, atroce, une saloperie qui empestait tel un putois , abima la nourriture à l’excès sauf pour celle en boîte heureusement.
Tel était la situation, mon ami, qui fit que notre Surintendant grimpa dans les rideaux Mais encore - vous n’avez pas entendu le pire - cette détestable saga continue - avec tous les détails - Comment travailler, dépourvu de nourriture, de lait de vache, de thé, de sardines en boîtes et café, les hommes bouffèrent les biscuits de matelots ce qui ne dura pas longtemps. Honte à vous Monsieur Henderson ! Et encore, nous ne pouvions pas remplir les fusils à graisser pour la nouvelle Madill, les GT-5 et nos valeureuses bennes à chargement qui figèrent et graduellement devinrent toutes rouillées. Et tout ça parce que cette chèvre humaine n’avait pas de maudit bateau.
En désespoir de cause, notre Surintendant vint en ondes” pour “ disait-il ... “ quand tous sera dit et fait, que la balle soit dans le camp du vieux Henderson ... “ Immédiatement, sur la voie 3 , il cria “Motor Hotel Capri” parce que le chef du Patsco s’y prélasse en chargeant le tout aux taxes fédérales.
Ce serait une folie, même crue, de vous dire ce qui s’en suivit, la vérité vraie et vous l’avez entendue . Toute la Colombie entendit le tapage. Nous plaidons, le Surintendant n’avait pas le choix, lorsque, en colère, il éleva la voix. Il était exaspéré et le résultat transpira sur les ondes, en bruits de tonnerre et de vagues. Il en résulta un excès de décibels.
Il maudit sincèrement, pas pour le plaisir, le diable Henderson. Si fort, rugit-il en B ... et en F ... que depuis, j’en suis devenu très sourd.
O chef des télécommunications, voilà notre seule explication. Soyez bons dans votre décision à propos de nos émissions.
Reported by Ron Robbins Traduction libre Laval D.
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