THE USER'S EXPLANATION

 

Dear Sirs:

 

This missive is in answer to

Yours, First September, Seventy Two.

 Briefly, we wish no disgrace -

And hope that this will save our face.

 

We stand accused , Your strong position,

Concerning Spurious Emission,

We can't deny, our plea advances

Extenuating circumstances.

 

Since Northland ceased to ply it's trade,

A number of attemps were made

To transport the supplies we need -

For hungry mouths we have to feed.  

At length, a plan was made by one

Whose name is Mr. Henderson

In which it was revealed that he

Would  transport to the Malksope quay,

And other spots for miles around

His home port of Kyuquot Sound.

The stuff that keeps - as you well know

A Logging Company on the go.

 

His first attempt fell rather flat  

(  I cannot be more terse than that) -

He sent ( this vital job to do ) 

A Landing Craft from World War Two;

Which  foul, atrocious , obscene  junk

Out-stank the most revolting skunk.

And spoiled the food quite out of hand -

Exceot that - fortunately,  canned. 

 

Such was this situation , friend

That drove our Super round the bend.

But list - you have not heard the worst:

This saga shall proceed , accursed

With every single detail, How

Devoid of food, and milk of cow,

Of tea, of canned sardines and coffee -

The men ate Commissary Toffee

And this was very quickly gone 

Shame on you - Mr Henderson.

   

Not only that , we could not fill

The grease guns on the new Madill -

The OT.5 , and loaders trusty

Seized up, and steadily went rusty;

And all becuse this human goat

Possessed no fornicating boat.

 

Twas in a mood of deep despair

Our Superintendent took the air ,

"For," quoth he, "when all is said and done,

The ball lies with old Henderson"......

So, straight away - on channel Three,

He cried . "Motor Hotel Capri" -

For there, the Patsco's chief relaxes,

And charges it to Federal taxes.

 

It would be folly - even crude

To tell you of that which ensued,

For truth to tell, you listened in,

And all of B.C. heard the din.

We plead - the Super has no choice,

When he, in anger, raised his voice

He was exasperated, and

The net result  was, o'er the band

In thunderous, booming tones and swells

There was excess in decibels.

He cursed sincerely, not in fun,

The evil Mr Henderson

So loud he roared in B.....s and F...s

That I  have since been very deaf.

 

O Chief of Telecommunication,

This is our only explanation.

Be kind to us in your decision

Regarding spurious Emission...

TO WHICH AN UNIDENTIFIED CENTRAL REGION OFFICER REPLIED

 

Dears Sirs:

 

This refers to your dissertation

Regarding infringement of our Regulation

It seems however you've misunderstood

Although your poem is rather good

 

Of your plight we're very sorry

We must admit it makes quite a story

And we do admit that lack of food

Is apt to make one's language crude.

 

But it wasn't for your Super's prose

That 24 of Radio Regs, Part 2 was chose

We didn't question his grammatical assault

But rather your equipment which was at fault.

 

However, we hope that situation's not chronic

For the problem's with your second harmonic

Your set is obviously out of key

And spurious emission's a waste of E R P

 

All we wish is to be assured

The technical problem will soon be cured

So have a technician check your set

To ensure our regulations will be met.

 

We do not feel it is too late

To save your radio licence Fate

For if repairs are early made

Our keen Inspectors will save the raid.

 

Yours truly,

Signature withheld...